Comparison / Contrast Essay
Topic: Traditional Market or Modern Market
Nowadays, you can see modern market in every village,
every road. You haven’t go to traditional market if the place is far from your
house. The competition between traditional market and modern market more tight.
Many modern markets try to attract more customers using many systems.
If modern market using building then the traditional
market just using small shop. Of course modern market more large than traditional
market, so you haven’t crowd with the others. In modern market you can buy two
or more things in one place. For example, you want to buy kind of vegetables
and it’s in one place. You don’t need to walk around to look for kind of
vegetables. Differ from traditional market, you have to walk around to look for
something. In every small shops there are seller so you have to pay every buy
in different small shops. In modern market usually using cashiers, so if you
buy something and want to pay it you can pay in cashier.
In modern market the place is cleaner than traditional
market. It’s because the modern market employ office boys, cleaning services
who have high responsibility. They will clean that place so customers feels
happy, comfort. No rubbishes scattered around. Differ from traditional market,
they have cleaning services but they usually work arbitrarily. It makes the
traditional market look dirty, uncomfortable. Many rubbishes scattered around,
it makes buyers think twice to buy there.
If you look from tidiness place, so you will choose
modern market. If the market is clean so the hygienic can guaranteed. A modern
market can using large box to keep vegetables, meats, etc. to avoid from flies.
So don’t worry to buy meats there. Unlike traditional market, they will sell in
the open place. Just look at meat sellers, there are many flies that fly around
them moreover the flies alighted on meats. Sometimes the sellers don’t care
with that, whereas the bacteria from flies are dangerous for our body.
The advantages from traditional market are you can
bargain the price, the things more complete than modern market. If the prices
in modern market is too high and can’t bargain so you choose traditional
market. The prices in traditional market isn’t too high and you can bargain
them. The cause of high prices in modern market is high tax. In traditional
market, the things more and more complete than in modern market. You can buy
clothes with different style and colour, unlike modern market that the clothes
majority same style.
On second sentence of second paragraph, aris use the word 'more large than', but i assume that it is not correct because the word large has one syllable, so it will be correct if we use 'larger'. Furthermore, we must use 'be' before using degrees of comparison. So, in my opinion, the sentence should be'Of course modern market is larger than traditional market'.
ReplyDeleteDwi Arif Wibowo 1420302158
ReplyDeleteHi Miss Nurul, I have advice or you. Hopefully it will improve your writing skill.
1. "see modern market" should be changed to "see the modern market"
2. "You haven’t go to" should be changed to "You don't go to"
3. "If modern market using building then" should be changed to "If the modern market using building than"
4. "Of course modern market more larger than" should be changed to "Of course, modern market larger than"
5. "In the modern market you" should be changed to "In the modern market, you"
6. "the modern market employ office boys" should be changed to "the modern market employs office boys"
7. "so customers feels happy, comfort." should be changed to "so customers feel happy, comfortable."
8. "A modern market can using large box" should be changed to "A modern market can use the large box"
9. "can’t bargain so" should be changed to "can’t bargain, so"
10. "the prices in modern market is too high" should be changed to "the prices in modern market are too high"
Is it clear enough? or do you need my explanation for each number? I’m not perfect. Correct me if I’m wrong. :)
Musyarofah Noviyani (1420302159)
ReplyDeleteHi Aris. id like to comment your essay/ :)
1. paragraph 2 : what do you mean about "you haven’t crowd with the others?"
2. paragraph 4 : "avoid from flies. So don’t worry" i thinl so isnt allowed on the beginning of the sentence.
CMIIW :) :D
Hi Aris! I want to correct some mistakes in your essay.
ReplyDeleteFirst, on paragraph 1, "traditional market and modern market more tight" should be "traditional market and modern market is tighter". Still on the same paragraph, the word "using" should be "by using".
Next, on paragraph 2, you have to use comma before you write "then". It will be "If modern market using building, then". Still on the same paragraph, you should write "sellers" not "seller".
Last, on paragraph 5, you should write " the things are more and more complete".
Thank you ^__^
Hana Suci Anggraeni (1420302175/E)
ReplyDeleteHi Aris! your title looks great. but, there are some mistakes in your essay that i want to correct. here they are:
1. "every village, every road" you'd better to put "and" between them.
2. "more large" suppose to be "larger".
3. you have to pay attention where you have to put conjunction like and, or, etc. because it will make your essay more comfortable to be read.
Thank you :)
andreas indra bagus (1420302178)
ReplyDeletemaybe i can't give your writer comment as best as another comentator hahaha .(I agree with novi on paragraph 2 : what do you mean about "you haven’t crowd with the others?") . another comentator gives you many comment and i feel it's enough . KEEP SPIRIT !! and always try the best
Dian kusumawati (1420302192)
ReplyDeleteHello aris,
Your essay is good and interesting.
Aris, i think you must add conjuntion (and) in the "happy, comfort", "dirty, uncomfortable".
"So you haven't crowd" what is meant by this sentence? Maybe should be changed to "so, you must not crowd"
Thank you.
Hello Aris!!!
ReplyDeleteIn this sentence “They will clean that place so customers feels happy, comfort”. Aris you forgot about the conjunction there. You must give (and).
And In the last paragraph, colour it should be color.
Thank you Aris…