Recent
year, it is very easy for people all over the world to move to other places.
They usually go to work, school or visit their family in other places. People
who get the college far from their house are faced by difficult condition
weather living in dormitory or be commuters. It depends on how far their house
from their campus. For example, most of students of university decide to live
in a dormitory until they graduate. However, students who have house about 20
km from their college usually decide to commute everyday in their activities.
Both of those choices have their own effect depend on costs, time, and
friendship.
Both
students who live in dormitory and who decide to be commutershave to pay their
study on time. Not only the cost of their study, but they also have to be able
to arrange their money well. Most of the students of the university look like have more money in early month, but they
don’t have money at all in the last date of month. It is why most of students
of the university looking for part time
job to survive in their study. However, students who live in a dormitory differ
from students who be commuters in several ways. It is okay for students who live in dormitory not
to bring their vehicle to campus because most of their dormitory is not far
from their campus, but it is impossible for the other one not to ride their
motorcycle or public transportation because their distance is so far. It means
that the commuters have to pay more money to buy fuel everyday. On the other
way, students who live in dormitory have to pay their cost during their life in that place. They also have to buy
their own meal or cook it themselves.
Students
have to manage their time effectively. They have many assignment from their
lecturer that must submit on time. So, both of students who live in dormitory
and commuters must arrange their schedule accurately. Indeed, students who also
work for their study have more job to be done. Unfortunately, they have no
choice to prefer the other one because both of their assignment and their job
are similarly important for them. Students who live in dormitory can do their
assignment after they arrive at their dorm, while the commuters have to ride
their vehicle before arrive at home and doing their assignment. It is not rare
for the commuters need longer rest than the other one because their journey to
go back home sometimes not fluent enough.
Friendship is formed by the time and loyalty.
People who have the same purpose and job is possible to make a friend during
their relationship of work together. It is really possible for students of the
university to make a friendship because of their same mission to study in the
same faculty. They often work in a team to solve their problem of assignment
from their lecturer and make them closer than before. Both of students who live
in dormitory and commuters spent their
busy or leisure time together. However, both of them are really different in
several way. Commuters meet their friends less than students who live in
dormitory. They spent their holiday at home with their family and common
society. In contrast, students who live in dormitory have more time to meet
their friends in campus and in their dorm. Their friendship sometimes look like
they are a family. Unfortunately, they sometimes spent their holiday in a dorm
because it is far for them to go back home. It means that they are rare in
their house to meet their family and common society.
In
other word, although both of students who live in dormitory and students who
commute everyday differ in several ways, but they also have some similarities.
Both of them have same problem to pay their cost during their study, they have
to arrange their schedule and manage their time well, and they also have the
same occasion to make a friendship with their society during their study in the
university. Commuters have to ride their vehicle to go to campus, they spent
much time on their journey to go to campus and to go back home, and they can
spent their leisure time to meet their family and other society. In other hand,
students who live in dormitory must pay their dorm and buy their meal or
cooking it during their study in the university, they have more time to
concentrate with their study because they don’t need to commute every single
day, but it is also rare for them to meet their family and other society
because they spent almost all their time in campus and their dorm. Whatever
their choice, both of them are students who must study hard to get the best
knowledge.(Nur Halimah/ 1420302187)
your essay is good enough . but you should pay more attention in order to:
ReplyDelete1. giving space like 'commutershave' should be 'commuters have'for avoiding ambiguity of the readers.
2. using singular /plural like " most of their dormitory" should be " most of their dormitories"
3. using correct to be like in the sentence " most of their dormitory is not far" should be " most of their dormitory are not far"
4. using suitable tense like in the sentence "They spent their holiday at home with their family" should be "They spend their holiday at home with their family"
Your essay very good, but you still less in sentence " both students " must be " both of students "
ReplyDeleteand your sentences too long on last paragraph, you should be deduct part of the sentence and make their own sentences.
thank you :) sorry :)
Dwi arif wibowo
ReplyDeleteHi miss hal… this is my comment for your essay.
1. " everyday " should be changed to " every day "
2. " Both students who live in dormitory" should be changed to " Both students who live in dormitories "
3. "commutershave " should be changed to "commuters have "
4. " date of month" should be changed to " date of the month"
5.
6. "students who live in dormitory " should be changed to "students who live in dormitories"
7. "their cost" should be changed to "their costs"
8. "many assignment " should be changed to "many assignments"
9.
10. " Friendship is" should be changed to " A friendship is"
11. " in the same faculty" should be changed to " at the same faculty"
12. "Both of students who live in dormitory" should be changed to "Both students who live in dormitories"
13. "the government give" should be changed to "the government gives"
14.
15. "several way " should be changed to "several ways "
16. "Their friendship sometimes look" should be changed to "Their friendship sometimes looks"
17. " their cost" should be changed to "their costs"
18.
19. " in the university" should be changed to " at the university"
20. "they can spent" should be changed to "they can spend"
I’m not perfect. Correct me if I’m wrong
hello Ms Hal..your essay is great, but i have some comments for your essay. here they are:
ReplyDelete1. on the second paragraph, " looking for" supposed to be "look for".
2. on the third paragraph, the words "many assignment" should be replaced into "many assignments", because it tell about plural case.
3. on the fourth paragraph, the statement "People who have the same purpose and job is possible" supposed to be "People who have the same purpose and job are possible", because "people" is plural, so it should be followed with "are".
That's all Ms. Hal..
andreas indra bagus (1420302178)
ReplyDeletehi Ms.halimah.
i think all commentator give you a lot of suggestion that can make you more better than before. and i agree with their comment, and i think you only make a mistake on " space" "typo" "capital" "punctuation"
thank you . KEEP spirit !! Ms. halimah
Antika Esty S (1420302161/E)
ReplyDeleteHi Ms Hal, your essay is good but i'd like to comment for your essay
1. "Both students who" should be "both of "
2. "Theor meal or cooking it" should be "cook"
3. "Their study in the university" should be "at the university"
Thank you :)
thanks for your coment guys. I'll try to do the best
ReplyDeleteShafira Adhelia (1420302179)
ReplyDeleteHello Ms. Halimah! I found some mistakes in your essay. Here are my corrections for your mistakes :
1. On paragraph 1, " It is why " will be better if you replace it with " That is why "
2. On paragraph 2, "their vehicle" should be "their vehicles"
3. On paragraph 3, "that must submit" should be "that must be submitted"
4. " their assignment and their job" should be " their assignments and their jobs"
5. "sometimes not fluent enough" should be "sometimes is not fluent enough"
6. On paragraph 4, " is possible" should be "are possible"
7. "spent" should be "spend" because your essay is using present time.
That's all. Thank you ^^