Malya Anisa Purnamadini
1420302180
Class 5
Cause-Effect-Essay
Advantage And
Disadvantage Using A Handphone
HP is
included a means of communication is very important and needed
by almost everyone, from the young until old. Don’t event
rarely, many small children who are already have it.
On one
side, HP is very useful for many people. To help them facilitate the job, or communicate with people who they know. But in the other side, many of the bad impact.
First, Disruptive Child Development. With
the sophisticated features available on mobile phones such as: cameras, game
will interfere with students in a lesson at school and make them lazy doing their activities, because they more pleasant to playing
with HP than doing
their activities.
Second, causing health problems, especially in the eyes. Usually, they like put HP
near the head
or even under the pillow. It’s not good
if it's happen continously. It can cause radiation. Third, It has the potential to influence
attitudes and behavior of students. For example, If
there is no control of teachers and parents, HP
can be used to deploy images containing pornographic elements and so totally
not worth seeing teenagers. And use HP for teenegers also
resulted in their mindset. They will follow the style by the social media is bad for their age.
So, The
development of modern technology is now enough to affect the world of education
in Indonesia. The rise of HP now also been deprave students, especially
teenagers in our country is broken.
Using HP better
not at the time of learning and distracts the child who likes to see and use HP
with things that are prohibited.
We
should have been not using HP every time, so that we don’t lazy and not
depending on HP.
After
I know advantage and disadvantage using a HP, now I more carefully to use it. Just
used it when I need or when I have leasure time. But I don’t know what will
happen if HP there’s no in this world, maybe we will difficulty in communicate,
development of the job or difficult to search information.
The
technology that we can use like HP is Computer or Laptop. It seem with HP, seen
from the application and employing.
Hi Malya. I'd like to comment your essay..
ReplyDelete1. Paragraph 1: what do you mean about "HP is included a means of communication is very important and needed by almost everyone" ? "many small children who are already have it." I think just "many children"
2. Paragraph 2: "but" i think "but" isnt allowed on the beginning of the sentence.
3. Paragraph 3: "and" i think "and" isnt allowed on the beginning of the sentence.
What do you mean about "style by the social media"?
4. Parahraph 4: "affect" did you mean "effect"?
5. Paragraph 5: "Using HP better not at the time of learning" i think it should better "when learning you better not to use hp"
6. Paragraph 6: "after i know" i think should be "after i knew".
"If HP there's no in this world" maybe it should be "if there's no HP in this world".
"Like HP is computer and laptop" should be "are" and "it" on the next sentence should be "they".
I think, you should check your grammar. 😀😀😀
CMIIW
Hana Suci Anggraeni (1420302175/E)
ReplyDeleteGood afternoon Malya :) first, i apologize because there are some critics that i will give to your essay, here they are:
1. the title should be "Advantages And Disadvantages Using A Handphone". you have to put "s" because the advantage and disadvantage from smart phone are more than one. so, plural form should be used.
2. On first paragraph you'd better to put word which into this statement:
" HP is included a means of communication which is very important ".
3. The word "to" is prohibitted to put at the beginning of the paragraph.
4. You have to pay attention for using punctuation. one of the examples is below:
" Second, causing health problems, especially in the eyes". the coma (,) between "causing health problems" and "especially in the eyes" is not supposed to be used.
5. On the seventh paragraph, you'd better to put word "I" at the beginning of the second sentence.
maintain your writing works Malya ^^
that's all. thank's.
andreas indra (1420302178)
ReplyDeletehaii mal
emm i think you should write "handphone" not "HP"
sorry if i'm wrong
Hi Malya. I'd like to make some corrections to your essay. Here are my corrections :
ReplyDelete1. On your first paragraph, " from the young until old" should be "from the young until old people". What do you mean by "don't even rarely" ??
2. You have to pay attention when write "and", "so" and "but". Those words are not allowed to write at the beginning of sentence.
3. " advantage and disadvantage using a HP" should be " the advantages and disadvantages of using a handphone"
I think that's all, Malya. You have to pay attention to your grammar. Thanks ^__^
Dian kusumawati (1420302192)
ReplyDeleteHello malya,
Your writing is good, but i found some mistakes.
1. In paragraph 2"There are many of the bad impact" should be changed to "there are many of the bad impacts"
2. paragraph 2 "cameras, game" you should add "and"
3. Paragraph 3 "they like put" should be changed to "they like to put"
4. paragraph 3 "it`s happen" should be changed to "it happen"
5. "Just used it" should be change to "i just use it"
That`s all. Thanks
Keep spirit malya!