1420302170
V (E)
Using Smartphone In Life
Nowadays, every people use smartphone in their life, in the everyday, every time they use smartphone for communicate with other and do the assignment. Smartphone offer flexibility in life, and there are variant facilities that can use for solve problem in doing something, and smartphone can be make people addict to spent their time looking the smarphone.The general purpose human was made smartphone, is to make human flexibility to communicate with other people , in fact smartphone offer flexibility in life, it means that general purpose human made smartphone was successfully. And now to communicate with other people, we can use variant application in smartphone that can be download for free in internet. We just pay for use it, because the application must connect to internet. In that application we can talk face to face, chat, and send our voice as message.
The specific purpose student to use smartphone is to do the assignment or homework. Smartphone can make the assignment easier to do, in smartphone we can search everything such as article, news, etc. in smartphone the search machine is most popular is Google, so in Indonesia we always call “Mbah Google”. It means that we can find anything that can be found in real word. Smartphone can be access for every people, younger, older, it doesn’t matter. When they are use smartphone, they can acces everything (except the things that can be access for ordinary people).
At this time, smartphone can be used to do cyber crime. In fact, last month in Jakarta there are people use smartphone to stell money from bank. It is impossible to do it, but they can do it because they are not like ordinary people when use smartphone, they learn to do it, learn about strength of smartphone that can known people. When they know about it, it is can be use to do Cyber crime, they can do everythings they want.
Actually, smartphone was made by human to make our life more flexibility, and make student more easier to do they assignment, but for people that know much about smartphone, it can be used to do Cyber crime.
Dina Asfarina Atras 1420302163
ReplyDelete1. In your essay there is a sentence in a last paragraph "and make student more easier to do they assignment" I think it's wrong, and this is the correct "and makes students more easier to do their assignments"
2. In last paragraph I found word "stell" it must be "steal" please look again at the spelling words.
Mmm.. i guess the sentence in first line, word "in the" would be better if that word was eliminated. So it will be "everyday, everytime....
ReplyDeleteIn line 4, i guess if you use word "can" it is not necessary to add "be".
In line 7, word "and" is not supposed to write at the beggining of sentence.
In line 13, i guess after dot, you should use capital letter.
In line 19, perhaps you mean word "stole" not stell, what's the meaning of stell?
Thank you 😀
Musyarofah Noviyani 1420302159
ReplyDeleteI'll give comment about this esaay:
1. Paragraph 1= 'in the everyday' must be 'everyday'. After 'everytime' should (.) dot. After 'doing something' should (.) dot, and without 'and'. 'Can be Make' should be 'can make'. 'Addict' should be 'addicted'. 'Was made' be 'made'. 'Flexibility' be 'flexible'. (.) Dot after 'with other people'. (,) comma after 'in fact'. 'And'doesnt allow at the beggining of sentence.
2. Paragraph 2. The sentence should be 'the specific of student using smartphone is'. (.) Dot after 'to do'. 'In smartphone the search engine machine is most popular' should be 'the most popular search engine machine in smartphone'.
dwi arif wibowo 1420302158
ReplyDeleteline 1 'every people' is wrong. You should write 'every person'
line 2 'Smartphone offer' is wrong. You should write 'Smartphones offer' or 'A smartphone offers'
line 6 again 'Smartphone offer' is wrong. You should write 'Smartphones offer'
line 7 the term "and" is one of coordinating conjunctions. It can't use to start a sentence
line 8 'can be download' is wrong. You should write 'can be downloaded'
line 15 'can be access' is wrong. You should write 'can be accessed'
'last month in Jakarta there are people use smartphone to stell money from bank' is wrong. you should use past tense
'student more easier' is wrong. You should write 'student easier'
CMIIW
to make eficient, you could delete some words in your writing like "Nowadays, every people use smartphone in their life, in the everyday, every time they use smartphone for communicate with other and do the assignment." cn be "Nowadays, every people use smartphone in their life. Everytime they use smartphone for communicate with other and do their assignment."
ReplyDeletethank you...
I'm sorry I mean that is "to be" not "on be"...mistype
ReplyDelete1) In sentence "Smartphone can be make people..." is wrong because in grammar can+V1=> so "Smartphone can makes people..."
ReplyDelete2) In sentence "And now to communicate..."
In writing rule the first sentence doesn't allow to write conjunctuon.
3) In sentence "It is can use..." is wrong. So "It can use..."
Thank you :)
ReplyDeleteI think "and there are variant facilities that can use for solve problem in doing something,"
ReplyDeleteMaybe not 'can use' but 'can used'
Nur Halimah (1420302187)
ReplyDeletehi fatihridho, these are some suggestion for you:
1. in this essay, it would be better if you make it in paragraph.so,it is easy for the reader to differentiate each paragraph.
2. pay more attention to grammar rule. for example,
a. for solve it should be 'for solving or to solve'
b. for use it should be 'for using or to use'
c. they are use it should be 'they use'
d. to stell money it should be 'to steal money' right?
3. the first letter on the new sentence should use capital letter.
thank you
thanks for ur comments guys, but i can't reply that all one by one, so once again thanks so much, :)
ReplyDeleteHana Suci Anggraeni (1420302175/E)
ReplyDeleteHelo dhooo..your essay looks great, but i've some corrections for your essay..here they are:
1. you've to try to make the effective sentence. you should learn how to put punctuation and how to make the compound sentence.
2. on the first paragraph, "Smartphone offer" should be "Smartphone offers". then, "can be make" supposed to be "can be made". remember, be+V3.
well, i think that's enough. thank's
ibnul chusna (1420302173)
ReplyDeletehi fatih your essay is very good but you must carefully to make a sentence
1.in my opinion in paragraph 1 in the everyday should "in everyday" etc.
tq good job bro
Dian kusumawati (1420302192)
ReplyDeleteHello fatih,
I have some corrections for you.
1. "That can use for solve problem" it should be "that can use to solve the problem"
2. "The general purpose human was made smartphone is" should be changed to "the general purpose human made smartphone is"
3. "That can be found in real word" real word? Maybe your mean is "real world"
4. "When they are use" should be changed to "when they use"
5. "That can known people" what did you mean?
6. "It is can be used" should be "it can be used"
Thank you
Keep spirit